It has been said that to forgive someone is to set yourself free. Of recent I have learned some more of what that actually means. It is one thing for you to forgive someone, and quite another to be the one asking for forgiveness. In the first scenario you must have done some work with your heart to know precisely what hurt was buried deep within it. You have to be strong enough and allow yourself to be vulnerable to trust someone to help you really get to know what situation is the culprit of the pain or dis-ease in your heart. That takes a lot of courage and a great deal of personal strength because most of us would prefer to ignore or disregard the event that created the hurt. Most of us are kind and loving individuals and the last thing we want to do is to cause someone else to feel the pain we do. At least that is what I have observed about myself and most people I know.
In the second scenario you have to be very strong, not take things personal, and be willing to take responsibility for your actions rather than try to explain or make excuses for what you have done. With that said, sometimes what we have done was the best choice we had at the time of the situation. Tough situations generally occur when we are at our lowest time ... when we have made several attempts to remedy a concern that requires cooperation from the other party to truly resolve. And, everyone knows you can only control your actions, you certainly cannot make someone do something they do not want to do ... and so you take an action in hopes it remedies the situation.
In both scenarios resolving a conflict and/or past hurt can only happen when each person is willing to take responsibility for his or her actions ... then and only then can true forgiveness be asked for and/or given. It all begins with looking within our hearts and being brave enough to listen to the whispers that ask to be brought to the light. That light is unconditional love, and that is what sets each party free. Words without true heart-felt forgiveness keep the unforgiving party enslaved to the situation. It is the party willing to examine his or her part in the past situation and take responsibility for the effects it had on the other person, despite our best intentions, that offers true unconditional love that can set both ourself and the other party free.
My heart wishes that when such unconditional love and personal responsibility is offered the other party accepts it and allows his or her heart to heal. However, I have learned I do not have that much power to make that happen. I can only accept my part and pray for the heart of the one needing or asking for forgiveness to receive my love, take it into his or her heart and allow the action to heal. That is my prayer, that is what I hold onto so that my heart and the heart of the one I love may be free to add more love to the world.
I am wondering some more about this phrase, "politically correct." I heard one of the candidates for president boast about not having the time to worry with being politically correct. He followed his comment with a list of things that need to be given immediate attention, one of which was to deal with mentally ill people. In the same breath he continued, "these "sickos" need to be given attention." Hmm! I guess he was out of time that he went from "mentally ill," to "sicko." It seems to me this man confuses political correctness with Respect. All one really has to do is ask him/herself if the word they are about to use to describe someone would be something they would like their mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, etc, to be called. I say, let's save time by choosing the word "respect" over "politically correct." It just might make our world a more peaceful place rather then one where we have to defend every word we say.
My question is what precisely does it mean to be "politically correct?" From my observation it seems to indicate the importance of saying things so as to avoid offending someone or a particular group. Indeed, it has become difficult to simply speak from one's heart, instead we have to consider the use of certain words or phrases for fear of stepping on someone's toes. I can remember using words to describe how I felt such as "I had a gay time," "that was a queer thing to do," "I felt retarded when trying to use my new computer."
There was a time when gay, queer, retarded merely meant one was happy/light hearted, strange/odd, or simply felt ill equipped or unable to figure something out. It certainly was not said to reference a particular type of person or group. It is little wonder communicating with someone has become so difficult; we have become cautious of every word we say in order to not be misunderstand or step on someone's toes.
So now we must censor every word and to do that we need to move into our heads to evaluate our words before saying them. It certainly is most important to think before we speak in order to be clear at what we really want to say to someone and to be certain we relay our message in a clear and concise manner. All too often we just open up our mouths and start an endless flow of words with no real sense of what we are attempting to communicate. However, to then have to sort through every single words means we have to filter things through the list of current "politically correct" lingo that might be construed as offensive. It's all pretty confusing not to mention time consuming which thusly can make for opting to say nothing at all.
It is my understanding to have good communications with someone we seek to share our thoughts, observations, ideas, and dreams, requires we simply show up and share what is unfolding in our heart. My experience is that in the unfolding of the conversation we find clarity and support for whatever resides in our heart. More times than not the person we are speaking with will prompt us to hone down our seeming rantings by asking us questions, or reflecting back what they are hearing us say so they can be clear they are hearing what we mean, which in turn helps us get more clear. There is nothing more warming to the heart than to have someone you can just be yourself with and speak from a place of comfort knowing that whatever you say will be understood. For in the dialoguing both parties gain a deeper understanding of the topic and each other.
I don't know, this "politically correct" notion just seems like a lot of rhetoric for keeping us on the surface rather then genuinely speaking from our heart center. What do I know though? I'm just a simple person who prefers letting my heart play with someone else's heart and learn a thing or two about each other while we laugh about the silliness of it all. But then, I also prefer to hear someone's voice over texting so I can accurately hear the tone for which they speak and look in their face for their expressions to make certain I understand the feelings behind the words. To me, that can only happen when people talk to each other from their hearts. And, your thoughts on the topic are . . .
Vicky Kelm Williams
I find people absolutely fascinating!