Father’s Day Ties

   In 1909, while attending a Mother’s Day sermon in church, Sonora Smart Dodd felt Fathers were equally deserving of praise. To honor her own father, a Civil War veteran, and widower who raised six children alone, Dodd petitioned for a Father’s Day celebration on June 5th in Spokane Washington. In 1972, under the declaration of President Richard Nixon, Father’s Day officially became a nationwide holiday. Contrast that to the historical record for Mother’s Day.  
    Following the death of her mother in 1905, Anna Jarvis conceived Mother’s Day as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. And, in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson established Mother’s Day as an official nationwide holiday. Interestingly, it only took 7 years for Mother’s Day to become a national holiday, whereas, Father’s Day took 63 years to be recognized as a national holiday! 
    Perhaps because human beings first reside within their mother’s womb for approximately nine months, they come into the world with a deep connection to their mother. The tremendous physical and emotional requirements to carry and birth a child certainly add to the respect and homage given to Mothers.
    An infant’s connection to their father begins when they leave the warmth of the Mother’s womb. If a Father takes an active role in the pregnancy, such as singing and talking to the infant in utero, the infant will become familiar with the Father’s voice. Rubbing mama’s belly will carry the Father’s energy to his child.  And, just as vital to the growth of the infant within, is being attentive to the emotional and physical needs of the Mother. Make no mistake; Fathers are every bit as important in a child’s life as is a Mother!
    Father’s are often overlooked as nurturers; rather, they are commonly portrayed as “just” the breadwinners and handymen. At least that’s how much of society still views a Father’s role. Thank goodness, that concept has drastically changed! The roles of Mother and Father have become interchangeable, as society has moved from a collective view into more of an individualist view of life. Roles are now defined within each family unit, rather then a specific set of social norms. Today’s parenting tasks are more fluid and less categorized and labeled. 
    Let’s make this personal and individual to you. This Father’s Day, pause and take some time to consider what your father was to you. For better or worse, what are some of the memories that pop into your head first? Make a list without thinking about it. When you are done, step back and ask yourself how the items on your list affected your life then, and how it affects your life today. If you are a parent, look to see if any of those qualities have shown up in your role as a parent. My Cherokee teacher used to say sometimes you have to “flip the coin.” That is to say, if what behaviors seemed unpleasant, “flip the coin,” and see what that behavior taught you. Often times the very thing that hurt your heart, made you feel yucky, is the very thing that taught you how to be strong, decisive, disciplined and ultimately responsible for your actions. I used to tell students that came from families that were distant from each other, to “flip the coin” and consider their parents taught them what they need to do differently with their children. 
    This Father’s Day might be a perfect time to speak to your father. Whether he is your biological, adoptive, stepfather or grandfather. Whoever filled that role of Father is the one who helped shaped the man or woman you are today. If he is no longer alive, you can still speak to him through your heart. Now is always the perfect moment to have such a heart to heart talk. 
    If we can “flip the coin,” and “Be the change,” imagine the freedom we can give ourselves, and our families.  Through the not always easy act of forgiveness, comes acceptance and true Freedom! And, who knows your Father might appreciate the bond that ties the two of you together, better than another elaborate tie he won’t wear! 
    From my heart to yours, I love you, Daddy! And, your ties hang from the ceiling in the medicine room at the Lodge to remind me, “our ties are forever!” ☺ xo

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